Let’s talk self-care
This is one of those fluffy, floofy topics that sound… NICE🌸
Soooooo… What. Is. It?
Most people think of it as taking a bubble bath, getting a massage (if you have the 100 bucks), going for a walk, reading for pleasure…
Or the infamous quote from the recent ASHA leader article… “cry in your car” 😠-uhm, no
For most SLPs, EVERYDAY feels like you’re desperately in need of this thing called self-care, but we really don’t know how to do that.
Or we start bargaining with ourselves
Once I get through annual reviews, then…
Once these evals are done, then…
Once summer comes, then…
Once the kids are older, then…
Once I retire, then…
THEN, I’ll be able to take care of myself. Then I’ll able to breathe…
We’re chronically putting ourselves off until…
What happens in the meantime?
You are literally damaging your brain and body which is THE tool you have to be a human being in this world. (🛑-read that again)
How do I stop damaging yourself? I mean, I’ve got to work, I’ve got kids??
It’s true, for most SLPs everyday is a day we need to deal with stress- Amirite?
Here’s what most of us do to deal with stress…
Go home and eat a bag of chips, have a glass of wine, we sit on the couch, stay up too late trying to write reports while watching Netflix… Or some version of that. Then the next day we’re even more tired so then we bring even more work home…
If your are a human, your brain is naturally programmed to: (The Motivational Triad)
- Avoid Pain
- Seek Pleasure
- Conserve Energy
So the things we do in response to stress are…
- Over-eating
- Over-neflixing
- Over-drinking
- Over-spending
- Over-scrolling
You might say- I don’t do that…Here are a few sneakier behaviors that may seem necessary, but aren’t producing the results you want.
- Over-planning
- Over-researching
- Over-exercising
- Over-organizing
- Over-commiserating
- Over-thinking, overwhelming
- Over-questioning
THESE types of behaviors actually DO make you feel better “in the moment” BUT they create a net-negative consequence as a result, taking you further off course from where you want to be. A few of the consequences could be:
- Weight gain
- Brain fog / Confusion
- Feeling drained, lethargy
- Defensiveness
- Self loathing (conscious or unconscious)
- Increased anxiety
- Feeling stuck
PLEASE- I’m NOT saying there is anything wrong with watching a movie, eating, scrolling social media… behaviors. In fact all of these exact actions could possibly be a part of a purposeful self care routine.
I’m saying-
When you are chronically dependent on over-using them (inadvertently) to soothe stress, it puts your mind and body in STRESS-DEBT.
NOT SUSTAINABLE
Eventually it renders you less effective in your life and career overall. 😔
Stress-debt (aka burnout)- is when you don’t have the energy to do the things your future-self wants for you.
WAIT- What!? My future-self? Who’s that?
Future-self… The you; the person you want to be in the future. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying- Do something your “future self” will thank you for.
Self-care is about establishing a sustainable level of well being, as opposed to, the stress-debt, pleasure-seeking, burnout cycle.
I describe self care and well-being as having 3 parts
- The ability to think about and make decisions for your future self. ðŸ’
- Taking progressive action in favor of your future self. ✅
- Managing your mind in the process. ðŸ§
So let’s look at why we don’t.
We are givers, and most of us have this flawed line of thinking about self-care that says
- It’s selfish to take care of myself
- I have to choose one or the other (ex. my family or my paperwork)
- This is silly. I can’t be bothered with this self-care crap- I’ve got shit to do
- I don’t have time for this
- I can’t afford it
…And can we all stop proudly wearing our guilt-medal of honor? 🎖 Take that bad boy off.
Guilt is one of those emotions that doesn’t serve you or anyone else. Sure sometimes it makes you do things you think you “should” do. It’s always at the expense of yourself and your well being. Guilt makes you take from one thing to give to the other. Somebody always loses and usually- it’s you.
So sometimes self care means doing the hard thing in the moment. Saying “yes” to yourself when you’d normally say no. Saying “no” to yourself, when you’d normally say yes. Truly resting when we would normally attempt to over-work, which is unproductive.
Ironically, if you’re not used to practicing self care- it will generally be the most uncomfortable option -which seems contradictory.
What does your future self have to say?
I teach my clients the skill of progressively choosing their Best Self consistently in each session. If you are struggling to get yourself to do the hard things and overwhelmed by your own hopes and dreams…or life, schedule your free 60 minute clarity call with me.
