they said, you SHOULD be Grateful

But what if you just aren’t feeling it? Today I want to talk about the surprising purpose of feeling crappy.

It’s that time of year. 🦃 A time to take stock in what you have. A time to appreciate, give thanks…

Gratitude

It’s true, practicing gratitude IS an evidence based, positive psychology intervention- It. Works. to improve mental health.

But what if you just. don’t. frickin. feel. like. practicing. gratitude?

Here’s the thing

Negative emotion– sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment…happens to us as human beings. It’s a normal part of life, about 50% of the time.

But you’d never know it if you follow your friends on social media. Everything is Ahhhhmaaaazing.
Of course! I mostly share the good parts. I leave out – my kids are driving me f-ing nuts, I’m sick of writing f-ing reports, I ate 20 pieces of candy and my husband and I had a huge f-ing fight😤. I don’t post that part- and neither to most people.

Another thought about negative emotion:

I notice- when my 17 month old gets frustrated, she cries, shakes her body, flails her hands, stomps… then she’s over it in literally 10 seconds. She feels the negative emotion and moves on. Overtime, as kids, we’re socially conditioned to “be polite,” smile, don’t take up space in the world, don’t make others feel bad with your negative feelings (as if you control their brain).

…and then we have the self-help and positive psychology movement which is awesome. HOWEVER, some people interpret the teachings as if they shouldn’t feel bad -ever. (Rainbows, unicorns and daisies up the @$$- it’s a no).

So we have

1. The positive psychology movement

2. social media

3. childhood social conditioning

All of these lead people to the interpretation that felling bad is bad.

Negative emotion happens- we’re human. It’s not bad

most people (unconsciously), beat up on themselves for feeling crappy or they just don’t get into this “feely” crap (ask me how I know🙋‍♀️).

Not only do they block the opportunity to acknowledge and process negative emotion-

but then, pile guilt, shame, and more anxiety on top of that negative emotion telling themselves they shouldn’t feel that way.

“You should wait until things get better, You should be grateful, You shouldn’t complain, …” That line of thinking is POISONOUS

I’ll let you in on a little secret… resisting negative emotion increases it.

what!?

This tips the emotion scales off- balance to a life of more than 50% negative emotion (sad face).

That’s where chronic anxiety, stuckness, “overing” behaviors come into play-Over- working, over-eating, over-analyzing, over-spending, over-saving, over-researching, over-exercising, over-thinking, over-social media-ing, over-netflixing, over-organizing… (so. much. more.).

Leading to overwhelm, numbness, lack of awareness, scattered-confusion not knowing how to get out of the burnout. Your life starts to become small and feel closed in getting through day to day.

As SLP’s we are super susceptible to overwhelm and burnout- I mean we’re pretty much super hero’s,

BUT we have to wash our own capes, fuel our own missions and document all of it. Amirite?

I teach smart SLPs the steps to acknowledging and allowing (vs. resisting) negative emotion-

so they can actually use that energy with intention to create an amazing, full life- and feel better.

It’s a skill that adults need and nobody teaches us how to actually do it.

Sooooo what to do?

1) Recognize it. Accept and acknowledge the emotion. Name it- I feel ______ ( and that’s okay).

2) Close your eyes and feeeeeel it in your body. An emotion is simply a vibration in your body it can feel uncomfortable but it will not hurt you so you don’t need to avoid it, ignore it or resist it. Let it flow though you. Let it BE with you and

3) Then let it go. Don’t worry. You can bring it back whenever you want by following this same process. This empowers you to allow or let go of that emotion whenever you want.

If you’re like me- you might want to avoid this process completely. Yuck- I don’t want to feel my feelings- that’s ridiculous.

Processing emotion and letting it move through you mentally and physically will open and expand possibilities in your life exponentially.

Oh yeah… and I highly recommend you do this process with positive emotion too. It. feels. amazing.

Thanks, I love you for reading. This is a heavier topic, but so worthwhile.

P.S. I teach smart SLPs how to use (inevitable) negative emotion as FUEL to create the career and life they want. If you want to see how this can work for you, schedule a free consultation with me.